Self Care

Mark 12:28-34

One of the scribes came near

and heard them disputing with one another,

and seeing that [Jesus] answered them well, he asked him,

“Which commandment is the first of all?”

Jesus answered, “The first is, ‘Hear, O Israel: the Lord our God, the Lord is one; you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’

The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Then the scribe said to him,

“You are right, Teacher; you have truly said that ‘he is one, and besides him there is no other’;

and ‘to love him with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the strength,’

and ‘to love one’s neighbor as oneself,’—

this is much more important than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.”

When Jesus saw that he answered wisely, he said to him,

“You are not far from the kingdom of God.”

After that no one dared to ask him any question.

Romans 12:3-21

For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you

not to think of yourself more highly than you ought to think,

but to think with sober judgment,

each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.

For as in one body we have many members,

and not all the members have the same function,

so we, who are many, are one body in Christ,

and individually we are members one of another.

We have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us: prophecy, in proportion to faith; ministry, in ministering;

the teacher, in teaching; the exhorter, in exhortation;

the giver, in generosity; the leader, in diligence;

the compassionate, in cheerfulness.

Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good;

love one another with mutual affection;

outdo one another in showing honor.

Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord.

Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer.

Contribute to the needs of the saints;

extend hospitality to strangers.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.

Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty,

but associate with the lowly;

do not claim to be wiser than you are.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil,

but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all.

If it is possible, so far as it depends on you,

live peaceably with all.

Beloved, never avenge yourselves,

but leave room for the wrath of God; for it is written,

“Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

No, “if your enemies are hungry, feed them;

if they are thirsty, give them something to drink;

for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads.”

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

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When the scribe asked Jesus for the first commandment, Jesus gave him not one but two commandments in reply. It was almost like those times when someone asks you for your favorite whatever, and you just can’t decide between the top two. Jesus tells the scribe – ‘there is no other commandment greater than these” – love God with all of your self – and love your neighbor as your self. How interesting that both of these, the top two commandments, are described in relationship to the self. Love God with your whole self, and love your neighbor as your own self.

When both of these are placed in relationship to our self, it must be important how we perceive ourselves.

Because we are called to love our neighbor as much as we love our self.

And we are called to love God with our whole self.

So if we don’t think much of our self…..then what does that imply about how we love our neighbor, and even how we love God?

Our self is what we have to give to God. Our self is the measure of how we perceive our neighbor.

So how should we consider our self? What does self care mean in the life of a disciple of Christ? If we are to love others as we love ourselves, what does it mean to love our selves?

In our yearlong study book, We Make the Road By Walking, Brian McLaren reminds us that when the Holy Spirit calls us to love ourselves, it is not in the way of selfishness, or self-interest, as we are often tempted toward by the majority of advertisers as well as politicians these days. Instead, the way the Holy Spirit teaches us to love our selves is a way of mature self-care, a way that involves self-examination, self-control, self-development, and self-giving. By practicing this kind of self-love, we are enabled and equipped to love God and love others more fully and more joyfully.

It’s important for us to remember that God intended pleasure for us. The world was created to give us an amazing array of pleasures, which we experience through our God-given senses of taste, smell, sound, sight and touch. Scripture tells us that God takes pleasure in creation and in us, and has given us all things to enjoy richly. The fullness of joy is experience in the presence of God. The creator is definitely pro-pleasure.

However.

It is all too easy for life’s great pleasures – food, drink, sex, owning, winning, resting, playing, working – to become addictive and destructive. Indulging in pleasures without self-control or self-examination can quickly lead to great pain, both for the addicts themselves and for those whose lives are touched by their addiction.

So, McLaren tells us, rules about pleasures, as we find in scripture, have an important place, keeping us from letting our desire center to have “what I want, when I want it, as much as I want”. Living by rules is like learning in primary school – it is necessary, but it is not sufficient. When we are ready, the Holy Spirit leads us from primary school to secondary school, teaching us wisdom.

He says, “Wisdom is what helps us see how a hasty purchase of a desired indulgence can lead to the long term pressure of debt. Wisdom reminds us that a one-night sexual liaison can lead to lasting tragic consequences for both parties, plus spouses, children, parents, and many others – literally, for generations to come. Wisdom knows that a single ill-advised business shortcut to increase profits can ruin a reputation earned over decades – as can one careless sentence spoken in anger or dishonesty. Wisdom remembers that habitual overindulgence in alcohol, drugs, tobacco, or even food can greatly shorten your life. And wisdom warns that even one night of drunkenness or one outburst of anger can end your life and the lives of others.”

But the other extreme is also important to acknowledge. McLaren reminds us that “wisdom also helps us see how excessively denying ourselves pleasure can itself become unwise. If parents are so exhausted from the work of parenting that they forget to keep their romance alive, they can drift apart even thought they are sleeping under the same roof. If someone who loves his work and gets great pleasure from it, begins to work too much, their life will fall out of balance, and before long they will hate their work. So parents need to nurture their relationship so that their family will stay in a healthy balance. A working person must find pleasures outside work to keep the work pleasurable rather than addictive.

These are all forms of self –care and self-love, knowing when to step on the brakes and when to step on the accelerator when it comes to our own life’s pleasure.

All this also relates to the way we relate to God, as well. Keeping a healthy balance in our relationship with God is essential to loving God fully and loving our neighbor fully as well.

Anyone who has flown in a plane has heard the instruction to “secure your own oxygen mask before helping the person next to you.” This applies to our relationship with God as well.

We tend to place our focus on asking God to help others. We have a prayer concern list. When we center ourselves in prayer, when we write out our own prayer lists, it is almost always about those we know who need prayer. And this is certainly important.

The apostle Paul, in today’s reading from the letter to the church in Rome, provides good wisdom in considering how we care for ourselves, how we put on our own oxygen mask in order to help others.

One is to know our gifts, to affirm them, and to use them. Whatever gift we have been given, is given by God, and we should not minimize our own abilities, but should use them boldly wherever they can help to further God’s kingdom. Together we make up the body of Christ.

Paul also says:

·      Let your love be genuine.

·      Serve the Lord with enthusiasm!

·      Rejoice in hope;

·      Be patient in suffering;

·      Live peaceably with all, so far as it depends on you. The Message translation puts it this way: “If you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody”.

·      Persevere in prayer.

I want to talk about prayer in particular as a way of self-care – again, because we tend to prayer for others, I believe, more than we pray to God regarding ourselves.

Our personal relationship with God has a lot to do with the health of our self-care.

Paul tells the Philippians to “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling”. Here in Romans, he says, “vengeance is mine, says the Lord.” These are reminders that what is between God and us is, well, between God and us. God’s love for us is the result of God loving us first. God’s judgment is between God and each of us. So how well do we take care of our relationship with God? How much do we bring God alongside us in prayer and in all aspects of our everyday lives? How well do we invite God into our thoughts, our joys, our sorrows?

Anne Lamott wrote a book about prayer entitled, “Help, Thanks, Wow.” These three words come alongside just about everything we do, and they bring God into the midst of everything we do. All of our lives can be translated into “Help me, God, Thank you, God, and Wow, that is so amazing, God!” And whether we have the words to express it, or just the feeling that comes from sensing the need for help, the glimpse of heaven, or the joy of an unexpected blessing, God hears our hearts, and God comes along side us to participate. It is self care, just to be aware of this. God with us.

Please consider the importance of prayer to your own self care as you watch this video excerpt of a conversation with Kallistos Ware, an Eastern Orthodox Bishop and retired Oxford professor.

Looking at God, as much as we can – in the creation around us, in the people who love us, and even in the people who don’t – in the least of these, Jesus Christ told us, we see him. Remembering always that God is looking at us, always there to help us, to guide us. to hear us.

Confessing our selves to God – as we do early in worship each Sunday.

Handing over our cares, our shortcomings, our doubts, our worries, to God.

Rejoicing in our joys, our blessings, with God, giving thanks to God in all things.

Caring for our self, by drawing more closely to God, seeing God more clearly, loving God more dearly, following God more nearly, day by day, is what will equip us to love our neighbor as our self, to love those who cannot love themselves or us, and to love God with everything we have.

And this, my friends, is Good News!