The Last Next Known Thing

I just closed a few more doors - some permanently  (like Clinical Pastoral Education, ie, hospital chaplain internship, and last term of onsite intensive seminary classes at Dubuque), and some which are still cracked open (like my as-yet ungraded senior ordination exams - please, Lord, let me not have to take them again!). The next few months will be filled with the last known things I have on my plate - my last two online classes, and my SPM/Supervised Practice of Ministry internship, and then, God willing, commencement weekend on May 18!

This is the first time in my life that I have finished school or left a job without knowing what's next. I have never been as open (and unclear) about my future plans as I will be in a short 15 weeks.

And yet.... the changes that have happened in my life the past four years were completely unknown, unexpected, unplanned. And as painful as some of them were, they have liberated me so significantly. What I have learned from them, and the one thing about which I am clear, is that God has a plan, and when the time is right, the way will be clear. That has been the case all along the way, and I do trust that God will let me know again. In the meantime, I am focusing on discerning, and praying, and watching for opening doors that seem to fit with my call as I understand it.

This is a crazy new experience for me, and I'm kinda loving it. My hope and prayer is that, a year from now, I will know a bit more about what's in store for me, how I can serve, what I can do.

Being Known

During my years of striving for career growth, I felt compelled to reach a level that proved I had "arrived", that I had grasped the gold ring, that I was being recognized for my capabilities. Since I believed in my heart that I was capable of that sort of VP-type position, I convinced myself not only that I deserved it, but that I would surely get there. Ultimately I learned that it's not all about capability; that much of it is about who's in charge and what they think about you, about leadership, about the way the world works.

Today in class we talked about the "pyramid of status" that was commonly used during the Roman Empire. In order to rise to greater status, a Roman citizen must have a sponsor. The way to get a sponsor was to give a gift to the person above you. Once your sponsor was sufficiently "gifted", he would  provide you with a letter of recommendation. This reference was a requirement to rise to the next level of leadership. How similar this sounds to so many hierarchical structures today!

In Philippians 2:5-11,  Paul describes how Jesus turns the status pyramid on its head, by taking his position at the top of the pyramid, and from there emptying himself, not only to take the form of a slave, but to be murdered in the shameful sort of way reserved for criminals and slaves. Therefore, he is given by God the name above all names, so every knee should bend and every tongue confess that Jesus is Lord. 

The top of the heap is now meaningless. The last shall be first and the first shall be last.Christ comes to save the least and the loss. Those of status are now called to give to those without. 

Our lifetimes of striving to be seen, known, recognized as something important, special, powerful - ultimately all this means nothing. We are called to humble ourselves, to give the best we have away to all who have need of it. 

It seems so ironic that it can take half of our lives (or more) to understand what is important in our lives, what is truly worth striving for. In the end, it's not at all about being known, but about knowing who we are, whose we are, and how we come to know others, in order to serve others. 

Ultimately, all that matters about being known is that we are all personally, intimately known by Christ.

My First Friday Five: Resolutions and Absolutions

For other newbies (like me): this is a weekly exercise that's part of the RevGalBlogPals. I hope you will see these more or less weekly from me!

Resolutions:

1. Start by sharing your success stories with us: In the past, what resolution has been your most successful? What change have you made that has been the most beneficial, to your mood, health, finances, or other way of being in the world?

Not long after my husband left, I emptied the house of junk food and processed food. Since then (going on two years now), I have cooked and eaten from whole, basic, core foods almost all the time. If I decide to indulge in a craving, I order in or go out to get it, but (other than Christmas!) it doesn't sit in the house, waiting for me to eat it. 

2. What is one thing you hope to do differently this year with regard to health, either physical or spiritual? If you are satisfied with your current status in both areas, perhaps you would be willing to share something you've already done (or regularly do) to care for yourself.

I have given up on exercise routines that overstress my body and ultimately either discourage or injure me. I am hoping to become a walker who is less about speed and training and more about movement, relaxation, and consistency. I'm patterning my plan after Jeff Galloway's Walking Book's recommended schedule. One week into it: so far, so good!

3. What is one thing you hope your family (of origin, of choice, however you define your primary place of mutual emotional sustenance) will do differently this year? A new tradition for birthdays? More vacation time? Game night? Feel free to really dream about ways to deepen your connections with those you love. 

This is hard, because my family consists of my two adult children, for the most part, and we are all in various states of transition.  I'm hoping to increase real conversation time - in person or by phone / Skype - to keep us better connected with each other.

4. What is one thing you hope your community of faith will consider doing differently this year? New music? Different approaches to preaching? Rearranging the furniture? If you are in a position to try to introduce change, share some of your enthusiasm and/ or anxiety with us!

Again, I'm in transition! Starting in February I will be interning at Littlefield Presbyterian Church, leading up to my M.Div. graduation in May (woo hoo!). My personal hope is to get more preaching experience. Beyond that, I anticipate getting into all manner of (as yet undefined) new things!

Absolutions: 

5. In what area would you most like to learn to be gentle with yourself? For what would you most like to forgive yourself? Share your ideas and strategies for extending yourself the kind of grace we know we are assured of. 

As might be expected, my need for gentleness is all about this transition. The next year (and beyond) will be filled with much newness and uncertainty. My relationships and the nature of belonging, for me, have been undergoing seismic changes over the past five years and this will continue. I am learning to accept both the grieving, the fear, the loss, the joy, and the anticipation, and to welcome them, whenever and however they show up.

Sermon Dec 30, 2012: First Words of Jesus

 Luke 2:41-52

41Now every year his parents went to Jerusalem for the festival of the Passover. 42And when he was twelve years old, they went up as usual for the festival. 43When the festival was ended and they started to return, the boy Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem, but his parents did not know it. 44Assuming that he was in the group of travelers, they went a day’s journey. Then they started to look for him among their relatives and friends. 45When they did not find him, they returned to Jerusalem to search for him. 46After three days they found him in the temple, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions.47And all who heard him were amazed at his understanding and his answers. 48When his parents saw him they were astonished; and his mother said to him, “Child, why have you treated us like this? Look, your father and I have been searching for you in great anxiety.”49He said to them, “Why were you searching for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” 50But they did not understand what he said to them.51Then he went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them. His mother treasured all these things in her heart. 52And Jesus increased in wisdom and in years, and in divine and human favor.

============

Well, here we are. It’s five days after Christmas. Less than one week after we celebrate the birth of Jesus. My manger scene is still up at my house; how about yours?

And chances are, we’re all still feeling the glow of the Christmas Eve service; after all the waiting of Advent, finally, Christmas is here!

The church calendar calls this the first Sunday of Christmas. And we’ve just heard the lectionary reading for today.  Jesus is no longer the babe, away in a manger, Gentle Jesus, meek and mild. No, we have already come to preteen Jesus, the precocious child, the unusual child, who has scared his parents half to death by staying behind while everyone else went home from the biggest worship service of the year. (Sound familiar?)

This is our first and only view of Jesus’ boyhood years provided in the gospels. And, it is pretty momentous, since it contains the first earthly words of Jesus to be recorded in Scripture.  

Many sermons have been preached and much has been written about the Last Words of Jesus – his final statements before his death on the cross. So, it seems reasonable that we should consider what we can learn from these first words of Jesus as they are given to us by Luke.

We don’t get to find out what his very first words were as a baby. You have to wonder if he was like so many other babies, who always seem to say “dada” before they ever get around to saying “mama.” Maybe with Jesus it was “Abba”, not “dada”.

But this is not baby Jesus; this is preteen Jesus, a twelve-year old boy. And the first words we have from him are words being spoken in the middle of a parent-child conflict! How typical is that? Clearly this reminds us that Jesus was fully human as well as fully God. He’s almost 13, the age when Jewish boys have their Bar Mitzvah and move into manhood. He has travelled to Jerusalem with his family and they have celebrated the Festival of the Passover. We don’t know if he lost track of time, or if he sneaked off, hid somewhere while everyone left, in order to spend more time in the temple, with the teachers.  But we can tell from his words that he was not feeling at all lost or afraid when Mary and Joseph finally found him.

Now, we have all been children, and some of us have been parents, so we each may have had the experience at one time or another of getting separated from our parents, or of having lost track of our child. It’s typically pretty scary. And we see that fear in Mary and Joseph, and it’s completely understandable. It’s only human nature that they would be anxious, and once they find Jesus, even angry with him. “Why on earth did you do this to us? Can’t you see we’ve been looking everywhere for you? Didn’t you think we’d be worried about you? How could you do such a thing?”

And this is the context for the first words of Jesus:

He says, “Why were you searching for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?”

Let’s look at these words closely, and see what they tell us about Jesus, about Mary and Joseph, and about us.

When Jesus says, “Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?”, he clearly knows who he is, and whose he is. These words are a glimpse of what the adult life of Jesus will be all about. He will be fully focused on his Father God’s work and purpose for his life. At this point in time, Jesus is having one of those “already/not yet” moments.  It’s a preview for him of what’s to come, but he is too young yet; it is not his time. He obediently goes home with his parents at the end of this passage.

Now, his parents’ reaction to his words is also a preview for him of the difficulty people will have understanding who he is, and why he has come. Even the people closest to him, his own mom and dad, cannot comprehend what he is talking about. This experience will be repeated with his disciples and with many others during his public ministry. This is his first documented encounter with those who do not understand.

For Mary and Joseph, his first words, “Why were you searching for me?” sound a lot like Jesus reassuring them that it was OK for him to be where he was, that they didn’t have to worry. It sounds a lot like what the adult Jesus said over and over again. “Do not be afraid.” He responds to their expression of searching with great anxiety with a 12-year-old’s version of “peace be with you.”  Perhaps even, “Chill Out…”

And for these parents, his second statement, “Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” is a reminder to them of what they have already heard from many others. From the first visitation that both Mary and Joseph had from their respective angels, to the words spoken by Elizabeth, by the shepherds, the magi, and also by Simeon and Anna when Mary and Joseph brought Jesus to the temple for the very first time, they have been told that Jesus is the Messiah, Christ the Lord, Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace, that he will save his people.  To hear this from his own mouth is a confirmation that these others were not imagining things; that this child is truly God’s Son.

And so, these words must also have come as a stark reminder to them that he is not really their son, that he is on loan to them, that he belongs to God, that he IS God. They have been entrusted with the gift of his life for a short time, for a finite time. They cannot know now what he will endure, how their life and relationship with him will change, but they can see that it already IS changing. As he moves from baby to boy to man, this is more and more the case. These words give them a glimpse of his future and theirs.

So what about us? What do these words have to say to us? They are for us a glimpse, a preview, as well, of what following Christ truly means. In Jesus’ teaching during his adult ministry, we will learn much more from him, but for now, there is one clear message we can take from Jesus’ first words.

From this story, from Jesus’ words, we can see that the invitation to follow God is not just about the Festival of Passover, or the Christmas Eve service, or even every Sunday morning in worship. It’s about our entire lives, and everything in them.

To truly follow Christ is to turn our life upside down. We can’t go back to our normal daily lives as we were. We move into God’s house, into God’s kingdom, and we live as heirs to God, not visitors, not guests.

The things we do will look strange and troubling to those around us, even those who know us best and love us the most. If we are making the people around us happy with us all the time, we might need to look at our journey of faith, because when we truly follow God, we will not often align with the expectations of the world. 

• ·      We may not choose to take over the family business.
• ·      We may find our children or ourselves serving in Ghana, or Mexico, or the Congo, or on the streets of Detroit, or Pittsburgh, or Ann Arbor, where the need for God’s love is great in those communities.
• ·      We may spend less time and attention showing our stuff in soccer, or academics, or business success, and more time in scripture, or prayer, or loving our neighbor.
• ·      We may be generous with our time, our money, our energy, beyond what makes sense to those around us, to those concerned about our financial and physical well-being.
• ·      We may make choices that are scary or confusing to those we love.

·      When we truly know who we are, and whose we are, we will likely find ourselves reflecting our true home, our true family, in a way that is hard for others to understand.

Following Christ will not be easy for others to understand. It’s not easy for us to understand, either, because it is so contrary to the ways of the world. This entrance of God into our broken world in the person of Jesus Christ, this collision of humanity and the divine, it is a mystery that is beyond our full comprehension. Jesus’ parents didn’t understand. Jesus’ disciples didn’t understand. And so our struggles, our doubts, and our inability to fully comprehend, to fully explain what we believe, our weak faith, our mustard seed faith – it’s OK. Just like Mary and Joseph, just like the disciples, we are human. We are not divine like Jesus. We cannot fully understand. We cannot fully obey. It’s OK. We are forgiven.

Jesus the 12 year old boy went back with his parents, and was obedient to them. He grew in strength, and in wisdom, and in human and divine favor. He waited for the fullness of time to come, for his ministry to begin.

So we too are called to study, and to grow, in spiritual strength and in wisdom, and to be attentive to the call of God and the timing of God upon our lives.

We have been given the Word of God in and through the fully human and fully divine Jesus - Jesus the boy and Jesus the man.  In the Word we not only more richly experience God’s identity, but we also find assurance in our own identity.  God’s call is upon the fullness of Jesus’ life, just as God’s call is also upon the fullness of our lives.  God speaks to us through Jesus the boy and Jesus the man, and we are reminded that we don’t need to be afraid, as we, in humble obedience, follow Jesus into God’s house, and into God’s world, to love and to serve.

To God be the glory. Amen.

Retired Rookie

It's a strange place where I find myself these days. 

I'm a "boomer". I am retired, my children are grown, and I have many years of business experience. However…. I am in grad school. I am just starting out, I am beginning a new career - more like a vocation - with bits and pieces of directly relevant experience. 

The current state of this calling is filled with new directions, emerging approaches to being church, calls for dramatic change, frustration with those who are trapped in past models and structures. My experience in change management, strategy, and vision facilitation gives me great hope for ways that I can contribute to the new directions being pursued for the 21st century church. But how will I be received? Am I taking up a slot that is needed by the "new generation"? And how can we all work together? 

I believe that the model for the church must embrace collaboration across generations, must involve all those who "dwell in possibility", in order to move from a narrow box of us/them to a new world view. I know I can help; I believe God has a place in mind for me in the midst of this; I am eager to learn and discern how and where I will fit, what branches I will walk out onto, what bridges I can help build, where God is calling me to be light, to be salt.

Back Out on The Limb

In the past few years, I have lived through major changes in my career, my family, my marriage that left me feeling unsure and even incompetent. I lost my ability to go out on a limb and speak with the certainty and bravery I felt for so much of my life. I became vulnerable in a way that was really painful for a long time. I am now realizing that the fear and grief I've been feeling has been necessary, has helped me heal, has been a key part of what has moved me in a new direction and toward a new vocation. 

Over the past year, I have read, shared, reposted so many rich writings from so many people. They have sustained me and helped me to heal and to grow during the many changes that have been taking place in my life. 

As this new year begins, I have come to understand that it is time for me to reclaim the courage I have felt so often in my past, but which left me in recent years. It is time to go back out on that limb, and learn to speak for myself, to share my own voice. It is time to risk feedback and challenge as I learn (or relearn) to express myself. I am ready to be "out here" again, and I hope to find readers who will engage with me and help me find my voice. Here's to 2013!